We All Have Desires
We all have desires and palpable yearnings that call to us. Some are stronger than others.
I’m no different. So many wonderful things are happening in my world. However, I’ve had to transform who I have been to create the container, safe space and opportunities for who I am now..as well as who I will become.
I am still growing and it has been challenging … sometimes extremely hard. I have had many meltdowns' at least that is what I call them. One happened at the end of last week. I cried, I feel confused. But then clarity comes. I have felt burnt out often until now, and I work often to replenish myself.
I’ve had and have many teachers. Some are my friends who care enough to tell me the truth. Then there are others who show up as mentors and coaches. It was my sisters who showed up as my resources that helped me process all that was happening when it became overwhelming.
Here is what I learned about myself:
* Healing comes in waves. Be patient.
*Something was happening in my psyche and I needed to let this play out. Instead of sitting in a state of depression, I chose ride the emotional waves and know they would not swallow me up. I WASN’T.
I also discovered that:
* Evolution comes from surrending, crying and empowering myself with the truth.
* You can not pour from an empty cup. This statement took on a deeper, more heart felt meaning.
* I felt guilty for putting myself first.
* I was using busyness to keep me out of alignment with integrity.
* I was refusing to ask myself hard questions for fear of what others would say if I admitted in my humanity was the word ‘human’.
* I was becoming resentful in my quest to fix people and heal people. It just NEVER ends.
* My self worth was negatively impacted and exacerbated each time I added one more class or one more this or that. I kept me spreading myself so thin. I was energetically raping myself; a form of self betrayal that kept me from studying to show myself approved in any area. This led me to not trust my abilities and knowledge of what I knew and my capabilities.
Why?
* It was a form of seeking validation and a way for me to prove to the world my value and worthiness. It was a Deception Deficiency tied to "I’m not enough or good enough".
* I forgot my main purpose for being on the planet is to live a life of pleasure. If done correctly, I bless the world with my Genius. That can only happen when I see myself correctly and align with that truth.
Here is what I also learned:
* I am a facilitator of healing. It is the alignment of each of our "yes" that fulfills the promise where two or three are gathered together in the nature (power) of the God of our understanding that moves the needle to the desires of our heart.
* I must detach from the attachment of the outcome and release the “Savior Complex”.
* It is my responsibility to see everyone whole and meet them there…not in their wounds. I can only do that when I see myself that way. Being my own first ministry is real!!!
* Adding unnecessary stressors is a form of self abuse, sabotage and a way to punish myself in a cycle of guilt.
For all of us on this journey called life, also known as spiritual quest inward, I would like to say this: “We cannot put new wine in old wine skins.”
It takes leveling up.
Our Deception Deficiencies will have us thinking otherwise.
Did this resonate with you? Let me know what your desires are in the comment section below!