self-governing as an act of self-love
The other evening, I felt taken advantage of. In the past, I would have swallowed my questions, silenced my doubts, cried in private, and resigned myself to being a powerless victim. But I’ve been intentionally planting new seeds, pruning, weeding, watering, and growing into someone I truly admire, like, and feel proud of. This is my season for blooming.
I had purchased several classes and, when I checked, discovered that three of them were discontinued. My questions were fair: “Would you have told me if I hadn’t noticed the error? What will be the replacement?” More questions followed, but I began to feel avoided—even though that wasn’t entirely the case. In my impatience, I allowed my assertiveness to turn into something that felt threatening.
The person handling my concern took a day to respond, and when she did, her words were gracious and effective. She apologized, explained that she had been working on my situation, and offered replacement options—including the chance to choose three new classes. She also added, for good measure, that it wasn’t necessary to threaten the business. I could have responded defensively, but growth looks like pausing to take responsibility and asking myself how I may have contributed to the problem—in this case, the way I handled the conversation—rather than focusing solely on the solution.
I realized the issue wasn’t that I spoke up for myself, but how I spoke up. I would never have spoken to my mentor in that way—both because it wouldn’t be tolerated and because I hold deep respect for her. To me, the highest honor we can give to any teacher or mentor is to embody their lessons. That can’t happen without emotional intelligence.
Even more important was the recognition that I also deserve that same level of respect and love. Self-governing is a beautiful way to live. I offered a sincere apology and was grateful for the resolution I received.
Lately, I’ve found myself apologizing more often—without justifications or excuses. I feel called to let go of explanations, no matter how valid they may seem. Stephen Covey’s principle, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” has taken on new meaning for me.
I am living the Ho’oponopono prayer, a Hawaiian mantra: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” It is transforming my life.
I invite you to explore it too.
