My Journey To Here

Due to my experience with trauma, I once held space for COMPASSION in deep ways often to a fault. I have a knack for seeing the origin of issues and a person's pain. This soft spot and unhealed wound in me (at the time) often led me to excuse or make excuses for unacceptable behaviours in myself and others when they should have been eliminated and not tolerated inspite of our pain. 

This year (2020) after an emotional breakdown, I got out of the business of trying to save and fix folks mainly women. Prior to the breakdown every class I took, I took with a mindset of how I could use the information to save and fix another. I wanted to stop suffering, help women to find themselves outside of pain, (because this is what I now understand I wanted for myself). Having the COMPASSION mindset that I once had was not conducive to wholeness. I did not/could not see myself as whole and in the same way I did the women I helped an injustice. 

Energetically I approached my life and theirs from a sovereignless place. I made room for them to justify their state of brokenness. I was using COMPASSION to spiritually by-pass dealing with my trauma and to I trauma bond with the women. 

I took classes after classes to have something to offer them. I gave away what I learned before it took root in me. It was challenging to accept COMPASSION and selfish in the same sentence. These women were my mirror. There was never a shortage of images being mirrored back to me that I had not embodied much less mastered the teachings that were for me.  My connection with myself was superficial. 

Now, COMPASSION has become a skill that fertilizes my soil as I am forced to ask myself questions and to get my lessons. What do I really love? What gives me life and what am I passionate about? Am I not doing those things because I convinced myself the process and responsibility was too hard/too much? Am I not doing those things because I really don't want too? What I'm doing now is it because it seems easy enough? Someone said I was good at it? Was I attempting to validate my own existence? 

Through it all, I have come to know and accept myself to be a great mediator, advocate, and one who has a natural love for educating and teaching as I have begun to mediate and advocate for my own life. I am educating myself with COMPASSION but without the excuses. 

The superficial living and addiction to pain I once masked led me on a journey of authentic living and making choices from a magic led soul. I define my freedom as authenticity and authentic living. My freedom leads me to my pleasure. The kind of organic wildness that possesses me and I her. My reclaiming of my intimate connection to my Divinity and Sovereign self as a High Priestess of feminine energy brings me life. Coaching women to be authentically themselves in fearless ways and or with fear but do it anyway is that thing for me!  This is my grace to me.